


Jimmy's Letter to Santa

by bobdog54, kitbaker123



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Letters, Plagiarism, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-05 22:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobdog54/pseuds/bobdog54, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitbaker123/pseuds/kitbaker123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Updated to include the 'actual' article as published in the “Starbase Nine ‘Festive Edition’ Newsletter”  rather than a clunky link, to same... And, as before, a tale in which letters are written to 'Santa' but... who, exactly, has been reading them?  The answer?  Perhaps rather more people than 'Little Jimmy' had intended...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based, very fondly and respectfully, on the electronically well-circulated 'Christmas Letter From Timmy'... by 'Anonymous'. This one-shot can be read without familiarity with the original version, by the bashful 'Anonymous', but it may enhance your reading pleasure if you read that first... or afterwards!  That version available in... Chapter 2!
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway... _This_ is what happens when 'kits and dogs' get together....

“Sulu?” 

“Yeah?”

“Did you find out if that vas _real_ , the writing of the Captain’s letters in the “Starbase Nine ‘Festive Edition’ Newsletter?”

“Sshhh! Keep your voice down, Pavel! I’ll talk to you later, after shift.”

Sulu and Chekov turned their attention back to their stations but, had anyone been watching closely, they would have seen them eye their Captain and Commander Spock frequently, and with greater interest than usual.

Uhura, unfortunately for them, HAD been watching closely. Those brats were up to something and that ‘something’ had to do with Jim and Spock. Spock was now, after they had 'mutually redefined the parameters of our friendship' her new BFF and Jim, well, _Captain_ James T. Kirk was probably going to be a big part of that friendship, eventually, whenever they finally got their shit together. She was fine with waiting for that because she sort of loved them both, emotionally constipated as they were.

**Rec Room B: 19.08 hours (ship’s time)**

Uhura walked quietly into the room and stood at the replicator. She ordered a hot chocolate, something to make her feel a little festive even though, in space, there weren’t really any of the normal triggers for that. It _was_ almost Christmas though. 

Making a show of blowing into her steaming mug, she turned and carefully surveyed the room...

Jim, Spock and McCoy shared a table, set a little apart from the others, as usual. Jim liked to be seen as being available to the crew, but he understood that they didn’t want him in such close proximity that he could overhear their conversations. She respected that insight. The trio was chatting comfortably between themselves, as the Captain and Spock played a game of chess. It didn’t look like a particularly intense game, they all looked completely relaxed, although... 

It would have made sense for the chess players to be sitting on opposite sides of the table, the board between them, but Jim and Spock sat shoulder to shoulder... touching, just slightly. She watched for several more minutes and they never moved apart but, very occasionally, they leaned closer. McCoy was inches from them and yet he displayed no discomfort, no sense of surprise. _NOT_ a complete secret, then...

Uhura sipped from her mug, using the movement to disguise her huge grin, and turned her gaze further afield...

On the opposite side of the room Chekov, Sulu and Scotty were hunched around three empty, and three half full, bottles of synthenol and whispering furtively.

_‘Enjoy the moment, boys, I’m on my way....’_

***

Uhura took a circuitous route around the edges of the room, stopping to chat occasionally, so that the idiots didn’t notice her appearance until she was upon them.

She raised an eyebrow as she viewed the pathetic attempts to hide a selection of Padds which had been circulating between them for several minutes.

“Hello! Mind if I join you, gentlemen?”

She almost laughed in their confused faces as they shuffled in their seats: Scotty’s face was as red as a beet and Chekov was muttering distractedly, under his breath, in Russian...

He had obviously forgotten that Uhura was a linguist of some repute... “Nyet!” he exclaimed, jaw gaping in obvious horror...

“ _No_? So you don’t mind me joining you? Thanks, Chekov!” She folded herself into a chair and wrapped her hands back around her mug. 

_“... Do not sit there, please go away! Oh, my lord, she will tell the Commander and then... please go away! I wish I had never seen the stupid thing!”_

Uhura had no problem at all, translating the stream of Russian... “Seen what, Chekov? Am I missing out on something? Hmmm?”

“Agh! Nyet!” Chekov spluttered, completely undone, whilst Sulu did a fairly good impression of a statue... obviously hoping to be overlooked. 

Scotty, however, gave her a very long look and then turned back to the others. “Och, mates! She’s NEVER goin’ tae let it go, d’ye ken that? Why d’ye think she’s even _sittin’_ with us? We may as well show her now and...” he turned and winked at Uhura, “ _she’ll_ know if it’s right or not. Agreed?”

Uhura averted her eyes, politely, ignoring the awful grimacing and arm punching that served for communication between this collection of overgrown schoolboys. After a few minutes, Scotty cleared his throat... 

“Ahem! Miss Uhura?”

“Yes, Scotty?”

He handed her a Padd... “ _This_ was posted on the ‘Starbase Nine Newsletter’.”

“No!” Sulu found his voice, “it was _worse_... it was the Starbase Nine _‘Festive Edition’_ Newsletter ...”

“Oh, yes?” She raised an eyebrow, "What’s on all of the other Padds that you’re hiding, badly, may I ask?”

“Ach, well, there was a, well... a paper document, found in a locker in the gym, ye understand?”

“No, not really...”

Sulu broke his silence, again, “The locker that Jim, the Captain that is, and Commander Spock generally use isn’t exclusive to them, we just tend to leave it alone, the crew, that’s all.” 

_“Mmmm .... hmmmm???”_

“Well,” Sulu continued, “the gym was REALLY busy so we, just us, used the locker. One of us saw this really crumpled paper document, in there, and.... that person may have read it and made a connection to the article posted on Starbase 9. We left it there, of course, but... I have a copy of it on my Padd.” 

Sulu’s cheeks were flushed scarlet. 

Uhura noted the twitching of the other Padds, around the table, and correctly assumed that this meant that they _all_ had scanned copies of said document...

“Okaaay...”

“Read that first, lassie, from the handwritten letters, or it won’t make sense when you read the hack's article although... the handwriting, in some parts, is nay really legible!”

“No, Scotty,” she smiled, “give me the article written by the ‘hack journalist’, first. Please.”

She looked at the first Padd and, after a few moments, she recognised the familiar article, ‘Timmy’s Christmas Letter,’ as an amusing Christmas item circulating freely, in one form or another, since the 21st Century. Judging by the expressions of her companions... they had no idea about this. None at all.

“I need to see the copy of the handwritten letter now, please.”

Scotty handed his Padd over, without protest. “What’s yer take on this, then, Miss Uhura?”

“Nyota." she said, idly, as she scanned the Padd quickly and then had to resist the urge to smirk, feeling the burn in the muscles of her cheeks, at the effort. "Well... let me turn this around... what’s _your_ take on this, boys?”

They looked around at each other, uncomfortably...

“Well. We were thinking that the captain had written this letter, to Mr Spock, d’ye ken? Doctor McCoy, well, I think he’s put his hand to it but really it’s between the Captain and the Commander. Very personal, like. Then the goddamn Starbase _hacks_ got ahold of it and made it into this ‘Timmy’ thing! It’s an invasion of privacy! ACH! They should let them be!”

“Sulu?”

“It’s not for me to say but there are hints in there that, well, if The Captain and Mr Spock _are_ , um, together, then....” his smile lit up the room.

“Chekov?”

“I am not truly understanding these things, the problems, but I am knowing wery well that the Captain and Mr Spock are loving each other. I only think that it is sad that, maybe, they do not know this themselves?”

Uhura smiled, and turned her eyes to the Padd in her hand: it showed a copy of a much maligned and crumpled sheet of paper...

**Jimmy's Christmas Letter**

Dear Santa, 

How are you? 

How is Mrs Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. 

I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 3600, with Call of Duty XLIX and an iPhone 4721 for Christmas. 

I hope you remember that, come Christmas Day. 

Merry Christmas, 

Jimmy Kirk 

*** * ***

Dear 'Jimmy', 

Thank you for your letter. Mrs Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all ‘fine’ (although the word ‘fine’ has many variables) and I thank you for asking about them. 

Santa is somewhat concerned about the amount of time which you currently spend playing holo games, watching antique ‘movies’ and reading about fictitious 'Superheros'. Santa would not want you to gain unwanted body mass. Since you have, indeed, been a ‘good boy’, I think I shall bring you something that you could utilise to engage in more... physical pursuits.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

 *** * ***

Mr Claus, 

Those aren’t all actually ‘holo games’; sometimes those are real photon torpedoes I'm pointing. Do you think that’s ‘hot’, Santa? “Engaging in more ‘physical pursuits’ isn’t really a healthy option for me, if you are talking about me 'playing outdoors', it's very cold and dark outside. IF, however, you are suggesting the more ‘fascinating’ types of physical pursuits then... I may be tempted. 

As I have clearly fulfilled the "Naughty vs Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. 

I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. 

Also, don't you think that a jibe at my 'body mass', coming from a man who actually 'goes out' once a year (if I'm lucky) is a bit trite? 

Respectfully, 

Jim Kirk

 *** * ***

Mr Kirk,

Whilst I have acknowledged that you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of ‘services’ provided. 

Should you wish to pursue legal action, well, that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer, ever since the most unfortunate 'Bridge' incident, and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. You may personally recall that I, myself, have no fear of such confrontations, in a courtroom setting.

Very Truly Yours, 

S Claus 

*** * ***

Now look here, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. 

I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks, my Command and my taste in literature into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. 

I'm about to tweet my ‘CREW’ (that isn’t a euphemism, fat boy, they’re TRAINED) and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHATEVER I WANT, MAN! 

Jay-T 

*** * ***

(Uhura noted, with a raised eyebrow, that the handwriting suddenly deteriorated into an almost unintelligible scrawl...)

Jay-T?

Listen, you idiot! 

_Really?_ You think a 'being' that breaks into every house on the planet Earth, on one night, and never gets caught 'sweats a gangster wannabe with midriff spread’? 

"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake." 

Sound familiar, genius? 

I KNOW when you’re awake, Jim. Always. I have monitors on you... all the time... ALL OF THE TIME, buddy!

You know what kind of resources I’ve got at my disposal. I ‘got your shit wired’. I go all around the universe and see ways to hurt people that, if I described them right now, you’d throw up on your shoes... 

You are NOT getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your ‘crib’ (and I have override codes) to ‘stomp a mud hole in your ass and then hypo it dry’, whatever the hell that means!

Chew on that, Petunia. 

S Clawz 

*** * ***

Dear ‘Jay-T’

I, also, know exactly ‘when you are sleeping or awake’. You are aware of this.

Santa.

*** * ***

Dear Santa, 

Bring me whatever you see fit. 

I'll appreciate anything. 

Jimmy 

*** * ***

Jay-T

That's what I thought, you little bastard. 

Santa

*** * ***

Thanks, Santa!

*** * ***

You are most welcome.

(P.S. Please desist from involving me in this, next year, Jim as I struggle with the colloquialisms. I did ask Dr McCoy for assistance but he has ‘overstepped the mark’: I believe that is the correct phrase.

 

Uhura fell about on her seat for a few minutes, laughing, and then threw the Padd back at Scotty.

“Listen here, you idiots,” she said.......


	2. “Starbase Nine ‘Festive Edition’ Newsletter”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the original version, of the letters by the very clever 'Anonymous' and referred to by Uhura in the new version

**Timmy's Christmas Letter**

 

Dear Santa, 

How are you? 

How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. 

I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. 

I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. 

Merry Christmas,  
Timmy Jones 

* * 

Dear Timmy, 

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. 

Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with. 

Merry Christmas,  
Santa Claus

 

Mr. Claus, 

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. 

I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. 

Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? 

Respectfully,  
Tim Jones 

* * 

Mr. Jones, 

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. 

Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. 

Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days. 

Very Truly Yours,  
S Claus 

* * 

Now look here, Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. 

I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. 

I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHATEVER I WANT, MAN! 

T-Bone 

* * 

Listen Pizza Face, 

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe?

"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake." 

Sound familiar, genius? 

You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. 

You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. 

Chew on that, Petunia. 

S Clizzy 

* *

Dear Santa, 

Bring me whatever you see fit. 

I'll appreciate anything. 

Timmy 

* * 

Timmy, 

That's what I thought, you little bastard. 

Santa

**Author's Note:**

> "Orchestration, plot and characterisation by bobdog54, kitbaker123 on keyboards and Anonymous on triangle.


End file.
